Gas prices are so cheap!!!

I've got McPhee-ver

Oh Barry…

Now, I’m not one to rub something in, however, this whole Barry Bond’s steroid issue is hilarious to me.  I mean for years he has denied that he had knowingly taken steroids, believing he was simply ingesting vitamin supplements.  Now a book breaks out, written by Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams, who by all accounts of people in the industry are extremely respectable and credible.  I mean, most people will think I’m ridiculous for taking the word of these two journalists over Barry Bonds.But just to be fair, let’s break down the arguments.

Fainaru-Wada and Williams based their book on multiple interviews of over 200 people, including Bond’s mistress Kimberly Bell.  They’ve listened to voicemails which Bonds left to Bell in his steroid tirades.  They’ve dug through a multitude of court records, read transcripts of the secret grand jury testimony of Barry Bonds, confidential files of interviews conducted and written by FBI agents.  They’ve reviewed unredacted and uncensored affidavits by BALCO investigator.  They looked through emails and memos written by BALCO employees and CEOs.

On the other hand, we can believe Bonds, who only has his word to back up his argument.  That and the fact that since 1998 he’s put on 40 pounds of pure muscle, his head size has swelled like a giant melon, and his voice has gotten squeakier.

I don’t know, I’m probably going on a limb here.  Call me crazy, but this is just my opinion, I think I’m going to take the word of these two journalists over Bonds.  Like I said, that’s just my opinion.

BEFORE:

AFTER:

Boats, Good! Motion, Sickness, bad.

Just recently a buddy of mine bought a boat.  I know nothing about boats but I did know one thing, two minutes after I get on that boat I would vomit like a drunken frat boy on Friday night.  Which made me think, why the heck did I agree to go out on this boat with him and the two other knuckleheads that I work with.  I just have two words to say: peer pressure.  I also did not want to be intimidated or beaten by my prior disappointing misadventure on a boat, which involved a Catamaran, scuba equipment, vomit, and clown fish.  But I'll save that story for another day.  Anyways, I took my Dramamine and agreed to go.

After two hours of "boating" through the harbor, the boat has won me over.  I put "boating" in quotes because I'm not sure how else to describe skipping on open water at 55 mph on a 14 feet fiberglass/foam apparatus with a motor attached to it.  No vomit, that's a good thing I guess.

There's talk about catching some fish the next time we take the boat out.  I'm not sure how I feel about eating something that feeds off the ocean floor/trash we've dumped into the harbor. 

Just my observation.  Boats are so not the Asian thing to do.  I'm not sure how many Asian people I see in those spring break, Lake Havatsu advertisements.  I think the closest we get to boats are the jokes people make thinking we've come over to the US via boats.  Well let me take that back.  Boats are the Asian thing if we're actually fishing.  Boats are NOT the Asian thing if it's for recreational purposes, such as waterskiing, wakeboarding, or lounging on.  If anyone knows of a professional Asian wakeboarder, or waterskiier, I'll take back my words.

Losers, Losers at last

I’m not use to losing.  I mean, why would I?  Especially since my team just won back-to-back-to-back-to-back slow pitch softball championships.  I know Pat Riley trademarked the three-peat, but the Cool Aeros are quad-peat champions (feel free to use the term four-peat, too.)  So it comes as a big shock to me that we consistently get beat by Teldata for no good reason.  It’s like they’ve got our numbers.  Well, last night was no different.  And who better than me to point out all of our problems.

1)  Hitting.  I went 0-3.  I’m actually like 0-20 for the season.  So I’ll be the first to admit that my recent hitting sucks.  But you know what really sucked?  When AC asked me if I was going to batting cages after the game in the middle of the night.  I get it.  You’re making a joke based on my lack of performance…haha… Man, that’s not cool.  I mean, it would be equivalent to me asking you whether you take Viagra because of your lack of performance.   How would you feel about that, huh big guy?  Since, I’m sensitive to your inadequacies, I know better than to make a joke about it. 

2)  Fielding.  Errors in right/right centerfield.   Who the hell is out there?  One inning it’s Beastly and Balco.  Then the next inning, One-Eye-Wille and Rat.  At one point, I had to offer my services out in right to Schramy.  But he told me, via through Mrs. Schramy, that I was too valuable as a catcher.  Yeah, tough to argue with that. 

3)  Pitching.  No problems in that department.  Although it was nice to see Rube and his Robocop hand paying us a visit for the first time.  Thanks for bringing the Bud Lights in the Zima bottles for us.  You’re the man…too bad you drank them all.

4)  Props to the BBQ.  Jonesy is the bomb.  So are you Mrs. Jonesy.  I ate two chili burgers, a chili dog, and a grip of pasta salad.  Yeah, I’m a pig.  Too bad I kept burbing up chili all night.  Man, that was awesome.  I did have one observation that I wanted to share with everyone.  I did notice that whenever hotdogs are being served around guys, everything becomes a phallic joke.  For instance, this girl, let’s call her Moesha, who works at the Cool Aero Insurance company, when ask how she liked her wiener.  She said, “Thin and skinny.”  To which I responded, I can’t help you out but I’m sure lots of other guys on the team could help.”   Someone chuckled.  Man, that is so inappropriate.  Grow up guys.

5)  Alright guys.  Let’s kick some ass next week.